On this Winter's Night
by Welcome2MyMind
Summary: "I wish I knew how to quit you..." After that last trip to Brokeback Mountain, Ennis receives a letter from Jack, letting him know that meeting up in November was a bad time. Is Ennis taking it the right way? Or were things really over?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Set during the same timeline as the movie. Starting in 1983 after their last fishing trip up on Brokeback Mountain. I'm fine with the way the movie ended, but I wanted to write my own take on how it could have ended. Christmas-themed. _Kinda _based on the song, "On This Winter's Night" by Lady Antebellum.

* * *

_"We could have had a good life together. A fucking _real _good life! But you didn't want it, Ennis! So what we got now is _Brokeback Mountain! _That's all we got, boy, fuckin' all. So I hope you know that if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years and you measure the short, fucking leash you keep me on then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needin' somethin' I don't hardly never get! You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you! I can't make it on a couple high altitude fucks once or twice a year! You are too much for me, Ennis. You son of a horse's bitch...I wish I knew how to quit you."_

Ennis del Mar sat in his trailer, thinking over the last couple of days since he had last seen Jack up on Brokeback Mountain. They hadn't really parted ways on good terms since they wouldn't be able to meet up like they wanted to in August. Ennis had explained how he couldn't take the time off, but it hadn't made Jack happy. They'd be able to meet up in November. Shouldn't Jack just be satisfied with that? Ennis had left him up there without either of them really talking about the next time they'd meet up. Would it even happen? A lot had been said that morning. Would _Ennis _let it go on?

He finished off his coffee and got to his feet, moving the short distance to the sink and setting the cup down with the rest of the dirty dishes he had meant to clean up when he had gotten back from Brokeback. He didn't have time to do it now, but yet he just stood there, staring at the items. The dishes had been stacked up there longer than was needed. He could see mold growing on some of it. He was starting to feel like his life was going the way of those dishes. Never moving from one place, letting the bad things grow and grow until it was visible. The dish wouldn't come clean, so he would just have to throw it out. His life would end worse than that dish's.

He pulled his thoughts out of that dark and dreary train of thought. If he let fear get him down, he wouldn't be able to do a damn thing. And he needed to keep going. And not think about what had been said between him and Jack. Things were more than likely over and done with there. He would just have to find out in November. If Jack didn't show up, he knew what it'd mean. Ennis felt a pain in his chest at that thought but pushed it away quickly. He took a deep breath then stepped over to the closet and grabbed his jacket. He left the trailer and headed for work.

* * *

It was late when Ennis got back to his trailer a few weeks later. Going back and forth between work and his trailer was starting to get tiring. Which was why he had stopped by a diner for some pie. Only to run into Cassie and her new beau. That hadn't bothered Ennis. He knew things with Cassie wouldn't have lasted. Nothing ever lasted with him. His marriage had ended and the secret love life he had been carrying was over as far as he knew. He hadn't heard anything from Jack. They didn't write each other all too often, but now Ennis had slacked off with that even. It was almost as if he was encouraging Jack to make the decision that it was over.

Was that the truth?

Ennis locked the door and pulled the blinds closed. He took off his jacket then removed his shirt, dropping it on the floor. He stood at the sink and splashed some water on his face. He had tomorrow off, so he was looking forward to sleeping in. Part of him almost wished that Jack was nearby so they could spend his days off together. _Almost. _Ennis had been avoiding the subject of just the thought of him and Jack living together ever since '67. Jack had never stopped hoping for that and had let Ennis know how much that hurt up on Brokeback a month ago. Ennis felt like collapsing to his knees again just like he had then. Except Jack wasn't here to hold him this time.

He gripped the edge of the sink and waited for the feeling to pass. He took a few slow breaths, eyes closed. When he opened his eyes and released the sink, his fingers ached. He massaged his fingers then kicked off his shoes and went to bed, prepared for the dreams that lay ahead. Which often consisted of Jack. If Jack knew how often Ennis dreamed about him...

He drifted off, the events of the day leaving him. He instinctively hugged the blanket against him as the dream took him to Brokeback. Jack lying there in his arms. Ennis could still imagine the way he smelled. The way he had smelled on Brokeback all those years ago when they had been herding sheep. Ennis breathed in the scent of those times. Where there hadn't been as many worries. Up on the mountain, they had been free to do what they wanted. Be who they wanted. Which was why they always agreed to meet up on Brokeback Mountain. But, hadn't Ennis made a few exceptions? Like that time at Don Wroe's cabin. And other places here and there whenever Ennis just couldn't stand to be on Brokeback.

How could he go back now?

Ennis jolted out of his sleep, seeing he had slept the whole night through. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes as he got out of bed and got dressed. He hadn't slept as late as he had wanted to, but he was sure he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now. Not unless he decided to spend the night drinking and pass out on the bed. If he dreamed during those nights, he was grateful for not remembering them. It was painful thinking about Jack. Dreaming about Jack felt too real.

He headed into town to check his mail. He had sent a letter to Jack, letting him know what day in November was good. He was still thinking that Jack wouldn't be coming, but he was going to keep the invitation there. Jack would let him know if he was coming or not. He always did. Ennis wouldn't have it any other way. He couldn't just let Jack show up unexpected. Something could go wrong and someone might see them. Then there'd be hell to pay.

He grabbed his mail and headed out the door and over to his truck, sorting through the mail. There was his check and monthly rent, plus a reminder from Alma about the girls' birthdays. As if he'd forget them. He tossed that letter into the trash can nearby and paused when he reached the last letter. It was from Jack.

_Can't make it in November. I'll let you know when I've got the time._

That was it. Nothing more. Jack's way of saying that things were over between them. Ennis was taking this news better than he had expected. Maybe it was just the fact that he had been preparing for it over the last month. But could he accept it? Right now, he'd rather not think about it. It might settle in later, once he was alone in his trailer, but for now he just stared at the letter as if it was just another from his ex-wife.

He climbed into his truck and headed back to his trailer.

* * *

Jack Twist stared down at the papers in front of him that his wife, Lureen, had left for him. She had taken their teenage son, Bobby, and had left for her parents' place not long after Jack had come home after his trip with Ennis. Bobby hadn't even been here when Jack got home. He had already been sent to his grandparents'. Jack and Lureen had had a long talk. Where she had told him that their marriage hadn't been working out and that she had been seeing someone her parents had introduced her to. When she brought up divorce, all he felt was relief.

It was over. Of course, Lureen hadn't been holding him back, but now Jack had an excuse to head up to Wyoming whenever he wanted and Ennis couldn't tell him that he had a commitment to his family. Bobby was nearly old enough to be on his own soon, so he didn't really need Jack. Of course, Jack would still be there for him whenever was needed, but the kid would be living with his mom for now. Jack had offered to sign the papers right then, but Lureen had insisted that he think it over for a few days.

Thinking it over made things worse.

_"Then why don't you? It's 'cause of you, Jack, that I'm like this!"_

Jack couldn't stop thinking about Ennis. He wished their last trip had gone by differently. He wished he had never said some things. He had been upset. He couldn't stop those words from spilling out of his mouth. Had he scared Ennis off for good? Or had he just damned himself to eternal sadness? He only felt whole around Ennis. Those trips to Mexico...Randall...It wasn't Ennis.

He loved that son of a bitch.

He just wished he could let Ennis know that.

His hopes had been raised when he had gotten that letter from Ennis, but he had just been met with what they had argued about up on Brokeback. _November. What in the hell ever happened to August? _Jack had wrote back immediately, every word widening the hole inside him that Ennis filled. Jack hadn't been able to write more than those two sentences. _Why _had he wrote it? What the hell was keeping him here? The divorce would be final and he'd be free before November. He had the time and the reason to go to Ennis.

Jack signed the papers then got to his feet, trying not to think about Ennis spending his free time in November all alone. Wasn't that the way Ennis wanted it to be? _If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it. For as long as we can ride it. _They had up and rode it over a damned cliff. And Jack didn't have the energy to get back on and move forward. He was tired of chasing that dream. It hadn't been that long ago where he had started that same dream with Randall. He had even told his parents that he and Randall were going to help out at their place in Lightning Flat.

He didn't even want to pursue that anymore. If it wasn't Ennis...

Jack handed the papers over to Lureen. He had asked her over for just this reason. He had packed up his things because she was planning on selling the house. They had talked that over and had agreed on it. Jack was planning on heading for his parents' place, but now he just thought that that was a bad idea. He'd be better off on his own for a while. Maybe he'd make another trip down to Mexico...

"You're still invited to dinner on Thanksgiving and Christmas," Lureen said, her tone saying otherwise. She had never really been hateful toward him. Their marriage hadn't been much more than business. Sex as a bonus. Though not much of one. "And the custody-"

"I'll hear it in court on Monday," Jack said. He had gotten a hotel room for the remaining days he was here. He had enough money to last him for a while. Lureen didn't want any of his money, so he wouldn't have to worry about that. "How's Bobby doin' with all this?"

"Takin' it like any other child would during their parents' divorce," Lureen said. "Wonderin' what went wrong. Why's it happening. How come Mom and Dad cain't work it out? That sorta thing."

"And what'd you tell him?"

"That things just don't work out," Lureen said. "I emphasized that nothin' bad happened. We just...fell outta love."

"And into someone else's bed."

Lureen didn't take offense at that. "We're both gettin' what we want," she said. There was something in her voice. Was she implying...Did she _know? _Jack certainly wouldn't ask her about it. The less said, the better. "See ya Monday." She started for the door.

"Tell Bobby hi for me," Jack said, but didn't know if she acknowledged him or not. She was already out the door. He shook his head then grabbed his things and left.

* * *

He climbed into bed at the hotel later that night. He stared up at the ceiling for a long time, anxious for Monday to come and go already so he could get the hell out of here. He was aching for a certain company right now, but didn't know if he would ever share a bed with that company ever again. He knew he could call up Randall and set something up immediately.

Turning to Randall hurt. Even the thought of heading to Mexico hurt. He rolled over onto his side and curled up, trying to fight back the pain, but the tears came anyway. He found himself whispering Ennis' name, reaching out by finding nothing there. Could he really do this? Could he really quit Ennis?

It was impossible.

Jack got out of bed, pulling on his boots. He headed out for a drink and was past drunk by the time he got back to the hotel in the wee hours of the morning. He fell onto the bed and passed out.

But his dreams were filled with Ennis. Vividly. As if Ennis was right here with him now. Jack could easily feel his touch, the way his arm felt around him. The way that strong hand gripped him in all the right places.

Jack woke up half drunk and horny. He stumbled out of bed, throwing up in the bathroom. He washed up then leaned heavily against the sink, splashing cold water on his face. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a long moment then left the bathroom and came back with a razor, shaving off the sideburns and mustache that made him look a few years older than his thirty-nine years. He didn't need to look older and more professional anymore. That life was over for him. This was his new start.

As long as he didn't think about Ennis.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

Ennis felt out of place at the party. He sat at one of the tables, watching the guests dance around and having a fun time. Especially the newlyweds. Alma Jr. and Kurt. It was the first time in a long time that he had left his trailer. She had come around and convinced him. And ever since he got that letter from Jack he felt...more free to do things in public. There was no longer something hanging over his head whenever someone looked at him. He was just like everyone else. Less happy, but more free. And he should probably feel guilty about that, but he just didn't.

He looked away when he noticed Junior coming his way. She probably wouldn't be as happy if he hadn't shown up. Out of his two daughters, he and Junior had always been closest. Jenny hung around her mother all the time. Ennis hadn't even tried to go seeking them out. It would have been nice to talk to Jenny, but he didn't want to be anywhere near Alma. He had seen them from a distance, but that was it. Alma wouldn't want to get any closer to him either. They were both satisfied with not seeing each other.

"Cold feet?"

Ennis looked up at his daughter, still unable to believe she had gotten married and making a life for her own. He had nearly gotten teary-eyed during the ceremony. "Cold feet?" he asked.

Junior's face lit up with a smile. "The father-daughter dance," she said, holding her hand out to him. "Since you're not offerin'..." She trailed off when he stood up, not taking her hand. The smile nearly changed into a frown before he held out his hand to her.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, a slight smile on his face. She grabbed him in a hug and kissed him on the cheek before she took his hand and he led her to the dance floor. Guests parted to give them their space. They started dancing as the music started.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Junior said, only loud enough for him to hear. With the music and the guests, their conversation wouldn't have been overheard anyway. "But, you seem...different."

"In what way?"

She shrugged her shoulders, her fingers clasped behind his neck. "Couple of months ago I had ya figured that you didn't give a damn about anything, including your family," she said. "Stuck up in that trailer all day, only comin' out for work or late night drinks..." She gave a slight shake of her head. "What happened."

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean?" Junior echoed, looking around before putting her attention back on him. "You're _here. _You had me convinced at first that you'd rather be anywhere but here. Don't get me wrong. Changin' your mind was the best thing. It's just..." She sighed. "It seems like you're a different person now."

Ennis didn't really know what to say to her. The change had been in him ever since Jack ended things. At night, alone in his trailer, he felt the pain of that reality, but every day he got up and moved on. He couldn't tell her that he felt more comfortable in public because he would have to tell her about Jack and that just couldn't happen. He had never told anyone. Alma had only found out by chance and she had kept quiet about it.

"Is it because of Cassie?" Junior asked when he didn't say anything. "I can't say I miss her and you seem happier without her anyway-"

"It ain't Cassie," Ennis said since he hadn't changed for a while after that break up. "It's..."

"You can tell me, Dad," Junior said, using a tone that made him want to trust her with everything. But, he couldn't burden her with that. It was his life. A life that was over, so she didn't have anything to worry about.

"Junior-"

"I want ya to move in with me and Kurt," Junior said, staring into his eyes to let him know that she meant business. "Get ya out of that damned trailer."

"No, I won't-"

"Kurt and I already talked it over," Junior said. "You can't live in that trailer forever. If you want, stayin' with us can just be temporary and we'll help ya find a more permanent place."

"Junior-"

"Just say thank you," Junior said. "It's for the best, Dad."

Ennis knew she was right. He sighed, a smile on his face. "I'm the one that's supposed to be givin' you somethin'," he said, hating himself for not even thinking about a gift.

"Makin' you happy's enough," Junior said, though there was no way he could truly be happy. He had ruined that up on Brokeback. It was a miracle it had lasted as long as it did. "Just...don't say anything to Mom."

"You're keepin' this from her?"

Junior nodded her head slightly, looking guilty. "By the time she finds out, it'll already be too late for her to talk us out of it," she said. "She might even offer to help find you a place of your own. For some reason she just doesn't-"

"Do you remember Jack Twist?" Ennis asked, unable to take it anymore. She had the right to know the truth. She might be the only one he could confide in.

"That guy from Texas you went fishin' with?" Junior asked. "That I only got the chance to meet once?" Ennis nodded. "What about him?"

"He's the reason your mom acts the way she does toward me," Ennis said, lowering his voice even more. He wasn't aware of the fact that the music was still playing but they weren't dancing. Their heads were close together, a teary-eyed scene to the onlookers around them. "Me an' him...we, uh...we never went fishin'."

Junior was silent for a moment. She obviously saw something in his eyes to put the pieces together. "You were always excited to leave," she said, thinking back. "And you were always in a better mood the first couple of days after you got back." The silence went on for an even longer moment this time. The music ended and they still stood there.

Then she lowered her arms and stepped back, meeting his eyes for one moment before she turned and left. Everyone watched her go. Kurt took off after her. She hadn't looked at Ennis hatefully, so he didn't know what was going through her mind. He felt a bit self-conscious standing there even though no one was looking at him. No one except Alma, of course. And she quickly looked away when he met her gaze. He turned and went back to his table.

* * *

Ennis was walking over to his truck later that night after the party was coming to a slow end. He hadn't seen Junior or Kurt since she had walked out. No one acted like it was an emergency. The party still went on like normal. Maybe Kurt had come back to let everyone know that things were fine. Wouldn't want to worry the guests. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and opened the door of the truck.

"Did you love him?"

Those words took him by surprise. He turned and saw Junior standing there, still in her wedding dress. They were alone in the parking lot, no one was going to hear them. But, still, how could he talk about Jack here? It had taken a lot of courage to say what he had to her back inside.

"Or did you hate him?" Junior went on as she stepped toward where he was standing. "Which is why you're different. It ended so now you can get on with your life."

"I don't hate him," Ennis said. He didn't want to have this conversation with her. He wouldn't even think about his feelings in the privacy of his own mind. It had been hard enough admitting to Jack what he had the last time they had been together. How could he go further and admit more than that now that Jack was no longer in his life?

Junior repeated her earlier question: "Did you love him?"

Ennis didn't answer the question. "It's over now," he said. "I've gotten better. He wasn't good for me-"

"Bullshit."

Ennis merely lifted his eyebrows at her and didn't say a word. She closed the distance between them. "I remember how much you loved those fishin' trips," she said. "Should've occurred to someone that you were more excited to see Jack Twist than anything else. Of course, that could have always been because you two were close and he lived so far away."

"Junior-"

"I'll admit it for you," Junior said. "You love him." No past tense. "I don't know what happened-"

"It's over."

"Then why are you so happy now?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"Two men ain't natural."

"The world's changin', Dad."

"Not my world."

Junior stepped toward him and hugged him. He returned the embrace and they just stood there in silence for a long moment. Then she pulled back and looked up at him. "I don't hate you for it," she said. "And I won't cut you out of my life because of it."

"You definitely don't share your mother's opinion."

"Or Jenny's."

"Jenny's?"

Junior nodded her head. "You were never brought up, but we heard something on the news a while back and Mom and Jenny got into a discussion about it," she said. "I didn't say anything because...because I was on they're side. I felt like things were unfair to them just because of who they decided to be with. And getting killed over it..." She trailed off with a frustrated sigh. "Kurt and I talked about it one night."

"What's his opinion?"

"He wasn't for it or against it," Junior replied. "But now that he knows you..."

"You told him?"

"I can't keep this from him."

Ennis felt a flash of worry. "Would he...?"

"Your secret's safe with us," Junior assured him. "All the more reason for you to move in with us. You can be yourself."

"I've been myself."

"Only around Jack Twist," Junior said, leaning up and kissing him on the cheek. "Kurt and I'll be over in the morning to help you move. We can get you settled in at the house before we head out for our honeymoon."

"So I'll be home alone."

"Ain't ya used to that?"

Ennis nodded then gave her another hug. "I never got to thank you."

"You didn't have to," Junior said then pulled away from him and headed back inside to her husband and the guests.

Ennis stood there for a long moment, feeling even more freedom. Junior accepting him this way made him feel guilty about Jack, but he had to push that away. Jack was gone. Probably for good. Ennis would spend the rest of his life his life alone.

Because he couldn't open up to anyone the way he had done with Jack Twist.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

Jack stood outside his parents' house in Lightning Flat, unable to go inside. He had been putting this off the last few months and had finally come around. And not because of his parents. He still had some things here to pick up. He wanted to wait until his dad wasn't at home, but didn't know when that would be. He didn't really want to walk up to the door and announce himself, so he had waited until dark before he came over. Hopefully, his parents were sleeping right about now.

Was he really going to break into his childhood home?

"Fuck," he muttered, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets and turning away from the house. He had parked far enough away where the car wouldn't be noticed. Walking through the cold had been hell. At least there was just a few more weeks until spring and warm weather.

He stood there, listening to the quiet. And hating himself. For doing this to himself. What was stopping him from driving to Riverton? Ennis would be surprised to see him. Would he be happy though? Jack hadn't heard from Ennis ever since he sent that letter months ago, letting Ennis know he wouldn't make it in November. Jack wanted to take all of that back right now. He wanted to go to Ennis and tell him _exactly _how he felt.

But he was too scared.

And instead of doing what he wanted, Jack had just been traveling. He hadn't gone down to Mexico. Mexico didn't appeal to him anymore like it used to. Ever since he had told Ennis he had been there.

He turned and started toward the house, his boots crunching in the snow. He stopped at the door, debating whether or not to actually break in. He shook his head then lifted his hand and knocked. He stepped back and waited a moment then saw a light come on. He stared at the door until there was a creak and the door opened. His dad didn't look happy to see him. He just opened the door wider and waved Jack in. Not saying a word.

Jack stepped inside, his dad shutting the door behind him. "Just came by to pick up a few things," he said, glancing around once before he turned and faced his dad.

"You know where everything is," his dad said. "Don't wake your mother."

Jack nodded his head. "I'll be outta your hair as soon as possible," he said then started toward the stairs.

"Your ex-wife called a few weeks ago," his dad said. "Apparently you've gone missin'."

Jack stopped and looked at his dad. "I haven't been around a phone," he lied. He had been meaning to get in contact with Lureen so she wouldn't worry, but never did because he didn't think she would worry. "I'll call her tomorrow."

"Your mother's worried."

Jack spread his arms out from his sides. "Well, I'm fine," he said, wanting to get upstairs and out of here.

"Sure."

"You don't believe me?"

"I ain't gettin' into it."

"You asked," Jack said then turned and headed upstairs before anything else could be said. He was used to his dad not giving a damn about anything he did. He walked into his old bedroom and started gathering things up even though he had only come back for one thing.

He glanced toward the door then moved over to the closet, reaching into the corner and pulling out the two shirts that were hidden in the back. His and Ennis' shirts from when they were up on Brokeback Mountain back in '63. He ran his thumb over the blood crusted sleeve, his thoughts going back to that time up on Brokeback.

God, he missed Ennis.

Carefully, he rolled the shirts up and slipped them inside his bag. He looked around once more then headed back downstairs, slowing to a halt when he saw his mom sitting at the table. She looked at him when he walked in.

"You're not comin' back, huh?" she asked, not looking at her husband, who looked ready to kick Jack out of the house.

"I don't know," Jack said. Part of him still wanted to live his dream. Bring Ennis up here and run things, help out his folks. That dream was no longer an option. It had never been an option. Jack had just been too hopeful. And had ruined things with Ennis forever.

Why did he bitch about November?

There was silence for a long time. "Well," his mother finally broke the silence. She rose to her feet. "Be careful." She walked over to him and gave him a hug then headed back upstairs.

Jack looked over at his dad, who just walked over to the door and opened it. Jack walked past him and left the house.

* * *

A couple of days later, Jack was in Riverton after fighting with himself over and over about doing this. He had tried to go see Ennis at his trailer, but hadn't been able to find him. All he was told was that Ennis had moved. Where? No one seemed to know. So, Jack had went around town asking but hadn't learned anything. It was as if Ennis had just vanished off the face of the earth.

"You son of a bitch," Jack muttered as he filled his car up with gas. He shook his head and kicked the tire in frustration. He didn't know what to do now. How was he going to find Ennis?

He paid for the gas then headed over to the bar. He sat down at the bar and got himself a drink. When his drink arrived, he didn't even touch it. He just sat there staring at it. _Time to face reality, Twist._

Ennis had moved on. Just the thought of that hurt. Jack took a deep breath, knowing this was his own fault. If he hadn't been such a bitch about November, maybe things would be normal right now.

"Drink or get outta here."

Jack lifted his gaze and looked at the bartender, who was staring at him. "Do you know a Ennis Del Mar?" he asked, grabbing his glass which seemed to satisfy the bartender a bit.

The bartender nodded. "He was a regular here," he said. "Especially since he lost his job 'round New Year's."

"Where is he now?"

The bartender shrugged his shoulders. "Ain't in town no more," he said. "Used to drive back and forth. I hear his daughter and her husband took 'im in."

"Where's his daughter live?"

"Not here."

Jack grumbled under his breath then downed the drink. He paid for it then got to his feet and left.

He had no idea how he was going to find Ennis now. The only thing he had to go on was that he lived close enough to drive back and forth to work. Ennis had lost his job and had eventually stopped driving back and forth. And there was always the possibility that they could have moved again.

Jack got into his car and drove off. He didn't have time to drive around Wyoming looking for Ennis. He had gotten in contact with Lureen yesterday and she wanted him back in Texas. Something to do with Bobby. He needed to make a trip down there and deal with that then come back here for Ennis.

And he _would _be back.

* * *

Spring came and gone. Summer went by too fast. Fall brought the cold weather. And through it all, Ennis just sat through it. Ever since losing his job in Riverton, he hadn't been able to get another one. Though, he hadn't really tried. Junior and Kurt never said anything about it. Ennis was slipping into depression and all they could do was be there for him. And when they had their first baby, Ennis went out more often. Mostly to bars. He loved his family to death, but he just couldn't be around them.

It was over a year since the last time he had seen Jack. And that had slowly been settling in over the months. And right now, when he was drunk, it was hitting him hard.

"I think you've had enough," the bartender, Tommy, grabbed the empty glass out of Ennis' hand. "Head on home, Del Mar. And I better not catch you drivin'."

Ennis started to protest then just shook his head and left the bar, stumbling down the street. It was late and he was tired. Junior was probably staying up despite the fact that she needed more sleep than he did, with the baby and all. She wouldn't wonder where he had been all day. This had become a regular thing. It was surprising that she still stayed up for him.

_That's because you're turnin' into the town drunk and she's just worried about you, dumbass._

He shoved his hands into his pockets then headed down the street for the house. They lived in a quiet neighborhood a few hours away from Riverton. Junior and Kurt had been thinking about moving out of state and leaving this house for him. Those plans had flopped, of course, when he came home almost every night drunk as a skunk. No matter what, they wouldn't leave him like this.

He started up the front steps, careful because of the snow. He decided right then that he hated winter.

He stopped on the porch when he noticed someone sitting on the porch swing. He stood there unsteadily on his feet as the person stood up. It took a moment to register and then it hit him.

"Jack."

Jack gave a slight smile as he stood there. He looked different than the last time Ennis had seen him. Jack had been sporting a mustache for years, but now it was gone. Was this a dream? It had to be.

"You're a hard man to track down," Jack said, his breath coming out in small clouds from the cold. "I probably would've been here sooner if I hadn't got distracted by family. Bobby's graduating this year. Wanted me around this summer."

Ennis just stood there, still dumbfounded and unable to actually believe Jack was really there. Maybe he shouldn't have had that last drink.

Jack gestured toward the house. "Junior said I could wait out here," he said. "I had dinner with them earlier. They're nice kids." He rubbed his hands on his jeans, an awkward silence settling in.

"Jack," Ennis couldn't say anything else.

"If you want me to go," Jack said. "Just say the word."

Ennis looked away from Jack and rubbed his eyes. "I'm drunk as fuck right now," he said. "This is a bad time to show up."

"So you want me to go." It wasn't a question.

Ennis looked at Jack, wanting to see that smile again, now that it was gone. He wanted to hold Jack in his arms, if only to assure himself that this was real. But, how could that prove anything? Ennis had had several dreams where it felt like he was really holding Jack in his arms. As a alcoholic, those dreams were few and far between now.

"It's been over a year, Jack."

"I know," Jack said, sounding guilty. "You won't believe what I've put myself through for doing that to you."

Ennis stared at the door. "I was getting better."

"You're the town drunk."

Ennis glared at Jack. "You don't walk into town and just judge people."

Jack held his hands up defensively. "I didn't say a damn thing," he said then lowered his hands. "I've traveled all this way. I've been sitting in the cold for hours. What do you want me to do?"

Ennis closed his eyes, exhaustion settling in. "Hold me," he whispered.

Jack didn't hesitate. And as he moved forward, Ennis turned and grabbed him, shoving him against the door and their lips crashed together. Ennis was unable to help himself. He pressed his body against Jack's, feeling Jack's arms around him.

This was real.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

It was freezing cold weather, but neither of them were shivering. Jack could feel the cold of the door through his jacket against his back. He could think of several different ways to get warmer, but he wasn't about to break this moment. When was the last time he had felt Ennis' body against his like this? When was the last time Ennis had kissed him like this?

Jack tried to fight for dominance, but was rewarded with Ennis taking full control. His heart pounded in his chest as their lips moved together. Ennis pressed him further against the door. Trying to hide from the neighbors? It was dark and no one was out at this time of night. Jack just wished there weren't any clothes between them. He could tell just by the way Ennis breathed that he wanted more than just this.

Ennis broke this kiss, their foreheads touching. They were both breathing as heavily as the other. Their eyes met and Jack saw a certain desire in Ennis' eyes that he had never seen before. It made him nervous and excited all at the same time. He bit his lip and tried to move, but Ennis just held him still.

"Jack fuckin' Twist," Ennis murmured, shaking his head. Jack couldn't help but smile. "Don't you _ever _do that to me again." He muttered off a few more curses, his arms moving around Jack and hugging him close.

Before Jack could return the embrace, the porch light came on and Ennis backed away from Jack faster than anything Jack had seen. Jack stepped away from the door when he heard the doorknob turning. The door creaked open and Junior stood there, holding the baby.

"Y'all gonna come in anytime soon?" Junior asked, gently rocking the baby. "It's cold and you're gonna freeze your asses off. I made coffee." She turned and went back inside, leaving the door open.

Jack watched as Ennis walked inside and he let his eyes roam down that body. Ennis was starting to let himself go, but he still looked just as fine as ever. He smirked to himself then followed the two inside, closing the door behind him.

* * *

Ennis sat at the table, slowly sobering up. He looked down into his coffee, barely drinking any of it. He could hear Jack in the living room cooing over the baby. Junior was washing dishes. Kurt had gone to bed early after he had gotten home from work. Ennis lifted the cup to his lips and took a drink, frowning when the coffee was already cold. He shook his head and set the cup down.

"Are you gonna invite him?" Junior asked, sitting across the table from him. "Or do I have to do it?"

"Invite him?" Ennis asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He felt like passing out on his bed and not getting up for a week. But, part of him didn't want to go to sleep and break this fantasy even though it _was _real. He wanted to hold Jack in his arms again. Wanted to feel their bodies pressed together like always. Wanted to do _so many things! _

Apparently he was too drunk for him to push these types of thoughts quickly away. He usually shied away from thoughts like these. He found his heart beating faster at the sudden urge to want to continue those thoughts.

"Christmas!" Junior said. "And since he doesn't have anywhere to stay-"

"Does he know you know?"

"We talked over dinner."

Jack was probably ecstatic about that. There was no need for them to hide who they were around Junior and Kurt. But Jack had to remember that it was _just _them. What happened on the porch couldn't happen again. It could happen again in the privacy of Ennis' room. Ennis was all for that right now. He gripped the handle of the mug tighter, knowing he was going to be hard long before he was alone with Jack again.

"Did you ask him to stay?" Ennis asked.

Junior picked up her cup of coffee. "I've been waiting for you to do so," she said. "Unless you need to sleep on it." She paused for a moment, studying him closely. "Or not sleep at all."

"Junior!"

"What?" Junior gave a light laugh. "I have a child of my own, Dad. I know what two people do when they love each other."

Ennis was feeling highly uncomfortable now, more than just the insane urge to grab Jack and fuck him right there in the living room. That wouldn't go over well with Junior. "He can get a hotel," he said.

"We have a guest room," Junior said. She kicked his leg. "Go ask him. Or I will and you bet your ass I'll embarrass the both of ya." She got to her feet and went to refill her coffee.

Ennis left his coffee there on the table then got up and stepped into the living room. He stood there for a moment and watched Jack. The baby was asleep and Jack was humming softly. He was good with kids. Something that would make him desirable to any woman. Ennis saw everything else about Jack Twist desirable, good with kids or not.

"Time for Joy to go to bed," Junior said, walking into the living room. She looked at Ennis then walked over to Jack and took the baby from him. She sent Ennis another look before she headed upstairs and left the two of them alone.

"Kids are adorable at that age," Jack said, getting to his feet and turning to Ennis. If there wasn't a damned couch between them...

"Know where you're stayin'?" Ennis asked, not knowing of any other way to bring up the subject. He could have just went and invited Jack to stay here, but he wasn't that bold.

"Haven't got anything set up," Jack said, a hopeful look on his face. Apparently Junior gave him a tour of the house and knew they had a guest room. Of course, guest room or not, Jack would have been hopeful for Ennis to invite him to stay here. The guest room wouldn't be used. "Know any cheap hotels-"

"We have a guest room."

Jack smiled wide. Forty years old and he still acted like a kid on Christmas.

Christmas...

"Christmas is in a few days..."

"Junior already invited me," Jack said. Apparently when she said she hadn't, she had lied. "Saves you the trouble."

"There ain't no trouble-"

"Then invite me."

"You've already been invited."

"I uninvite myself."

"You can't do that."

"I believe I just did."

"You're invited, no more argument!" Ennis said, frustrated. And even more frustrated when Jack looked amused at Ennis' frustration. And for some fucking reason, that was turning him on.

"You gonna show me to my room?"

"You know where it fuckin' is," Ennis said then turned and stomped off upstairs, hearing Jack following behind him. Ennis led him down the hall to the guest room. The room that was the furthest away from Kurt and Junior's room.

This room might be used more.

"Do I get to see your room?" Jack asked, his voice low. He stood with his shoulder touching Ennis'. "I didn't get the pleasure of doing so during the tour earlier."

Ennis found himself unable to move, having Jack standing that close to him. No jackets this time. Less clothing, but still not enough. And from the way Jack's grin broadened, Ennis' desire was showing.

Jack stepped away and Ennis twitched, as if to step toward him again but he stopped himself. Jack slowly stepped around and up behind Ennis, their bodies pressed together. Ennis opened his mouth to point out that they were still in the hallway then stopped when Jack slipped his hand down the front of Ennis' jeans.

Ennis' hand came up and smacked against the wall as Jack stroked him. He dug his fingers into the wallpaper, needing more space than the small confinement of his jeans. "We're never gonna get to my room..." He trailed off as he felt Jack's lips against the back of his neck. Ennis thrusted against Jack's hand, his other hand gripping Jack's shirt sleeve. Jack never stopped stroking him.

"There's a room right here," Jack said then pushed Ennis inside the guest room, closing the door behind them.

Jack's hand was gone, more occupied with pulling off his own clothes. Ennis watched him for a moment, that body calling to him. Naked, Jack smirked at him then moved over to the bed. Ennis followed like a zombie. He stopped when Jack got down on his knees in front of him, pushing his shirt up and kissing his stomach.

When Jack worked on getting Ennis' jeans off, Ennis pulled off his shirt and tossed it. Jack looked up at him and their eyes met, something silent being said between them. Something Ennis could only confess in actions. He didn't know any other way.

Jack stood up, pressing against Ennis and pushing him back toward the bed. Jack managed to get Ennis' jeans shoved down. Ennis fell back onto the bed and helped Jack get himself naked completely. Jack then joined him on the bed, their lips coming together like magnets. They moved together, needing to touch every single inch.

"Jack," Ennis muttered against his lover's lips. His hands explored Jack's body, dragging his nails down Jack's chest, making Jack hiss in painful pleasure. He broke away just long enough to stare down at Ennis before their lips came together once again.

Ennis held onto Jack tightly as he felt Jack's finger probing his entrance. Ennis broke the kiss, eyes squeezed shut as Jack slowly moved his finger in and out...in and out...quietly murmuring for Ennis to breathe. Ennis didn't feel soothed. He just felt pain. He hadn't let Jack take over like this all that often. It had been a while.

"Don't stop," Ennis let out as Jack's finger was gone. He opened his eyes and looked at Jack. To see that he was getting into position. Ennis braced himself then dug his fingernails into Jack's side once Jack pushed his way in.

"Fuck," Jack murmured, taking Ennis' hand off of him. "Relax. Ain't nothin'...you haven't...done before." He slowly started thrusting, leaning forward and holding Ennis' arms above his head.

"Shit." Ennis drug the word out, wincing with every thrust. It took a few minutes, but pleasure soon took over. "Jack..." He placed his hand on the back of Jack's neck, pulling himself up and Jack down and their lips met in the middle.

It didn't take long for them to finish, Jack muttering nonsense as he came inside Ennis. With one last exhale, Jack collapsed on top of Ennis, both of them breathing heavily. Ennis closed his eyes, more content than he had been in a long time.

Which made him think of the last time they had been together.

"Jack," Ennis said after a few minutes of silence. Jack had pulled out of him but was still lying on top of him. "On Brokeback-"

Jack rolled off of him, muttering curses. "So much of that morning I wish I could change," he said. He sat up and gestured around them. "Could've been here last year."

"I needed time."

"What time?" Jack asked, looking at Ennis. "Twenty years ain't enough time?"

Ennis remained lying there for a moment then sat up. "I needed to know it was over," he said. "I could go out in public and not worry about something hanging over my head."

Jack looked offended by Ennis' words. It was hard to say anything without hurting him. Ennis hated himself and had no idea how to make anything right with Jack. But, Jack always forgave him, no matter what. That was always the miracle.

"I'm sorry," Ennis muttered, getting to his feet.

"The bed's big enough for the both of us," Jack said. Ennis turned and looked at him. He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just real tired of sleeping alone."

Ennis climbed back into bed with Jack.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **Last chapter. Might be a sappy ending. Ending a fic isn't really my strong suit so I'll do my best here.

* * *

The next few days seemed like a dream for Ennis. He never left the house, spending most of his time with Jack in the guest room. They only fucked when the others were sleeping or out of the house. The rest of the time they just laid in bed. Jack, on the other hand, came and went as he pleased, going only God knew where. He always came back though, looking more excited with each passing day. After that one night and when Ennis decided this was all real, he was excited in his own way.

They went out on Christmas Eve. Jack took Ennis, Junior, Kurt, and the baby to a hiking trail a few miles out of town. Despite the cold, everyone enjoyed themselves. The trip had to be cut short, but Jack and Ennis went back later that afternoon to finish the hike. A chance to be alone like they used to up on Brokeback Mountain all those years ago.

Ennis wouldn't go back.

He and Jack had talked about it on the hike. There were some good memories up there, but even though he had Jack here with him now, Brokeback was just too painful. He had found his paradise here. Back in Riverton, it was just a spot in his past. He was moving on and getting on with his life. He was grateful to have Jack to help him through it even though he still wasn't brave enough to actually say it.

They got back home late and just went right to bed, curling up together under the covers. When Ennis woke up the next morning, it was to see Jack watching him. Ennis hid his face in Jack's chest, shifting slightly into a more comfortable position. Which was closer to Jack.

"Merry Christmas," Jack murmured, his hand slowly moving up and down Ennis' back. "We've got presents to open."

"Shit," Ennis rolled over onto his back. "I didn't get you anything." He looked at Jack when Jack rolled over, straddling him.

"This right here is enough," Jack said, his hands roaming Ennis' body. He kissed along Ennis' jaw then down his neck, one hand moving up under Ennis' shirt.

"Kurt and Junior will be up soon," Ennis said, though he didn't really want to stop Jack. This sort of attention was always rare for him. Which was why he never could get enough of Jack whenever they saw each other up on Brokeback.

"We're adults," Jack said, pulling Ennis' shirt up. "I'm sure they know we can get ourselves up in the morning."

"But we ain't."

Jack pushed himself up over Ennis, looking down at him. "Do you wanna fuck standing, is that it?" he asked.

Ennis opened his mouth, unable to find any words. He gave a small sigh when Jack rolled off of him. "I didn't mean-"

"Let's just go downstairs," Jack said, sitting up and throwing the covers off. He got out of bed.

"I ruin everything."

"Don't say that," Jack said, turning toward him. "You don't."

"Then why'd we go over a year without seeing each other?" Ennis asked as he sat up. "And all because I didn't have the time off for August."

"That ain't it."

"Sure as hell seemed like it," Ennis said. "I believed that shit _for a year." _

"It was what was said that mornin'," Jack said. "If I didn't show up here, you would've eventually moved on. I...might've." He shrugged his shoulders at that. "I showed up in Riverton not long after Brokeback. Found out you moved away. Before I could find you then, I was needed in Texas."

Ennis sat there silent for a long time. "Jack-"

"When I showed up here, Junior talked me into sticking around til you got home," Jack admitted. "Standin' there, knowin' you weren't home...I was scared as hell. Your daughter's mighty convincing. I like her."

Ennis gave a slight nod of his head. "What's she been sayin'?" he asked. He knew Jack and Junior talked a lot. They hit it off pretty well.

Jack shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes never leaving Ennis. "She mentions things I have a habit of ignoring," he said, his stare boring into Ennis.

Ennis gave a small chuckle, looking away from Jack. "And things I have a habit of not admitting," he said then they fell into an even longer silence this time. He looked down at his hands. "I have something to tell ya, bud." He looked back at Jack, whose eyes lit up with hope.

A knock at the door came before anything else could be said.

"Dammit," Jack muttered, glaring at the door. He wiped the look off his face as he looked back at Ennis. "Moment ruined, huh?"

"There's presents to open downstairs," Junior's voice came from the other side of the door. She knocked once more, louder this time. "Get in the Christmas spirit and get your asses downstairs for some family time." There was the sound of her footsteps as she walked away.

Jack turned toward the door then looked at Ennis. "Think Santa brought you what you wanted?" he asked.

Ennis got to his feet. "Damn right he did," he said then left the bedroom with Jack at his heels. He headed downstairs to where Junior and Kurt, with the baby, were sitting in the living room.

He hadn't really paid attention to the decorations around the house and felt guilty. Junior had put a lot of effort into decorating. Jack had helped with the baby while Kurt was away and Ennis was pretty sure that Jack helped decorate the house. It was more Christmasy than he had ever seen. Alma hadn't really gone all out during the holidays. A tree and some lights, that was about it. After the divorce, he hadn't decorated at all. So, he felt out of place here even though he was with the people he loved.

_Loved..._He looked over at Jack, who was sitting on the floor, playing with the baby.

"Want the honors?"

Ennis broke out of his daze and looked at Junior. "What?"

She smiled at him. "Handing out the presents," she said. "I know you're not big with the holidays-"

"It's fine," Ennis said then walked over to the tree. He knelt down, grabbing the gifts and handing them around to everyone. Jack took presents of his own and Joy's to open them for the baby. Everyone ripped into their gifts and Ennis continued handing out the few that were there under the tree. When he was through separating them, he gathered his own and sat down on the couch.

The first gift he opened was small. He unwrapped it to find a small box. When he opened that box, there was a key. He stared down at it, wondering what it was to.

"It's a house key," Junior said, plopping down on the couch beside him. "You already have one, but this was the only way I could bring you the news."

Ennis looked away from the key. "The news?"

"Kurt and I've been lookin' for another place here in town," Junior said, glancing at her husband once. "Now that Jack's here, we don't have to worry 'bout you bein' on your own."

"You don't have to-"

"We even talked to Jack about it," Junior said. "It's a gift from all of us. How can you turn that down?"

Ennis looked around at everyone. His family. He looked back at Junior, putting an arm around her shoulders. "Thanks, hon," he said even though he would have to work through the whole living with Jack thing. He kissed her on the cheek then opened his other gifts. He saved the one from Jack for last.

It was also small and flat. He opened it and read the note. He expected more, but all the gift was was the note. But it meant more than everything to him. Only three words were written on the paper.

_I love you._

He glanced over at Jack, who was just paying attention to the baby as if everyone else in the room didn't exist. But, Ennis wasn't expecting anything more than that from the note. He tucked the note away before anyone else could ask about it. Unless Junior knew about it, then she wouldn't ask about it.

After the presents were open, and Joy fell asleep, they sat around the table for Christmas dinner. Kurt and Junior announced that they were going out tonight so Jack and Ennis would have the house to themselves for a couple of hours. Ennis suddenly found himself nervous about that. He should be elated that they would be alone, but now there was the issue of that note. And the news that they would be living together, just them, pretty soon.

Ennis lost his appetite halfway through his meal.

When it came time for Kurt and Junior to leave, Jack saw them out. Ennis was hoping to have babysitting duty to have something else to do, but they were taking Joy with them. Ennis gathered up the trash in the living room, hearing Jack talking with Kurt and Junior. About what, he didn't really pay attention. He was practically just moving as a zombie, afraid of what tonight would bring.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Jack hugged him from behind. "Jack fuckin' Twist," he muttered, which just got a laugh out of Jack. "Don't do that."

"Sorry," Jack said, moving against Ennis in a way that was highly inappropriate if anyone else were here. Since they were alone, Ennis leaned back against him, the trash slipping through his fingers.

"I've always wanted to spend Christmas with you," Jack said, his lips grazing the back of Ennis' neck. "You wouldn't believe how many fantasies..." He trailed off, thrusting against Ennis' backside.

"I still feel like we need to work some things out first," Ennis said, having a bit of trouble concentrating. With every move Jack made, the harder his dick grew. And when he moved his hands down, Jack grabbed his wrists, stopping him.

"That note-"

"Do we have to talk about that now?"

"You're the one that said we needed to work some things out."

"Later," Ennis said, tightly clenching his hands into fists. "Fuck me right now."

Ennis was surprised at how roughly Jack took over. First he unbuckled Ennis' jeans then bent him over the couch. Ennis braced his knees against the couch and spread his legs when Jack pulled his jeans down. He hung his head with a soft moan when he felt Jack's mouth everywhere. He grabbed some garbage from off the floor and placed it on the couch in front of him so he wouldn't have to worry about cleaning the couch.

Or burning it if Junior ever found out about what they were doing.

Unprepared for it, Ennis grabbed the back of the couch tightly, letting out a loud groan followed by a curse. Jack wrapped his arms around Ennis as he started moving. Ennis pulled off his shirt and tossed it, enjoying the feeling of Jack's hands all over his chest. Ennis started stroking himself as Jack fucked him.

"I fucking love you," Jack said, his hand on Ennis' as Ennis stroked himself. He murmured it a few more times, pressing Ennis further down onto the couch. Ennis felt himself really close already.

"Stop," Ennis said, reaching back and pushing Jack away. He kicked his jeans off the rest of the way then grabbed Jack and shoved him onto the couch. He straddled him and a moment later was riding his dick.

Jack thrusted up against him as they kissed, Ennis tightly gripping Jack's dark hair. Jack drug his fingernails down Ennis' chest and jerked him off roughly. Both of them were making the same amount of noise. Which naturally got louder as they finished, Ennis shooting on both of their chests.

They stayed like that for a moment then Ennis got up. The next half hour was spent in the shower. They only spent a couple of minutes washing up.

Nearing the end of the day, Ennis snuggled up against Jack in bed. In Ennis' bedroom this time. Before they fell asleep, Ennis muttered the words that made both of their lives complete.

"I love you."

* * *

**End.**


End file.
